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Healing from domestic violence feels like a long slow ache. It never seems to go away. How can you rid yourself of this ache?
For me, abolishing the ache involved partnering with God in my healing.
Recovering from trauma is not a ‘one size fits all,’ because everyone’s journey is different. If you decide that partnering with God is the route you want to take, I guarantee you He won’t leave you in your mess.
It’s time to renew your mind, reclaim your identity and rebuild your life.
Living in Ceremony with God
Recently I changed my perspective on what living a life with Christ looks like. I like to think of my daily walk with God as living in ceremony with Him. As believers we have special ceremonies such as weddings, communion, and baptism.
What if you thought of your daily walk as a ceremony with Christ?
John 15:7 AMP is the verse that got me thinking along these lines:
“If you remain in Me and My words remain in you [that is, if we are vitally united and My message lives in your heart], ask whatever you wish and it will be done for you.”
What if you thought of your daily walk as a ceremony with Christ?
The phrase vitally united jumped off the page at me. The meaning of vital is huge. As humans we rely on our vitals to function in order to survive. Therefore to be vitally united or intertwined with Christ is fascinating to me.
My goal in life is to be vitally united with Christ. To partner with Him in everything I do, and to know what that looks like.
Renew, Reclaim, Rebuild I don't want to know where I end and You begin, Even though I know I have my limitations. I don't dare do anything without You, As I desire to be living life in ceremony with You. You renew my mind, You are where I find my identity, In partnership with You is how I rebuild my life. -Allie Schwab
Partnering with God to Renew Your Mind
In Romans 12:2 AMP God emphasizes that transformation occurs when we renew our minds:
“And do not be conformed to this world [any longer with its superficial values and customs], but be transformed and progressively changed [as you mature spiritually] by the renewing of your mind [focusing on godly values and ethical attitudes], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His plan and purpose for you].”
Our minds are a battlefield, and the rudder for the choices we make in our lives. Just think about how important your mental health is!
Domestic violence takes your mind on a rollercoaster ride that you never wanted to be on. You were fed lies about yourself and the world around you until you questioned yourself and believed those lies.
Domestic violence takes your mind on a rollercoaster ride that you never wanted to be on.
In brief, to renew your mind means to take the lies and distorted beliefs, and exchange them for the truth.
Philippians 4:8 AMP reads,
“Finally, believers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable and worthy of respect, whatever is right and confirmed by God’s word, whatever is pure and wholesome, whatever is lovely and brings peace, whatever is admirable and of good repute; if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think continually on these things [center your mind on them, and implant them in your heart].
When your abuser called you “unlovable”, “useless”, or “a b**ch,” those were not in line with what God’s word says about you. He says you are His handiwork or masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10), He loves you enough to send His Son as a sacrifice (1 John 4:10) and you are His daughter (Psalm 82:6).
To cement these truths into your heart and head you can meditate on His word, memorize scripture, listen to Christian music, listen to Christian guided meditation (https://encounteringpeace.libsyn.com/#, this one is my favorite and also helped me with my anxiety!), write out scripture and put it on your phone or around your home, journal, and work hard on replacing the lies with truth.

Commit yourself to apply one, two or more of these practices a day. It’s part of living in ceremony with Him.
Your mind needs a transplant. Then your vitals can work better!
Partnering with God to Reclaim Your Identity
Trauma damages your mind, spirit and soul. The enemy comes to steal and destroy and would love to see you adopt a damaged identity.
Domestic violence distorted your identity to the point that you probably don’t know who you are anymore. You may not remember what you like or don’t like either, and you probably don’t understand how you fit into the world around you.
You don’t need to live like a spiritual vagabond forever. You can be healed.
Understanding You Godly Identity
It’s important to understand what sonship and your identity in Christ really means.

God is a good Father. What is a father? A father is someone who loves, guides, supports, protects, and is there for his child. Therefore we can conclude that God is a father who has the best of intentions for you, is driven by love and does not withhold good gifts from you. He is not abusive, he does not manipulate you, nor is He mad at you for your shortcomings or bad choices.
You don’t need to earn His love like an employee. You don’t need to walk on eggshells around Him, or operate in people-pleasing behaviours, as you most likely did with your abusive husband.
YOU ARE HIS. YOU ARE SAFE.
We need to learn to operate out of our identity in Him and not try to earn our identity. This is true freedom.
Take back your true identity that the enemy stole from you. Reclaim it and stand firm on the promise that God has a good future for you.
How to Reclaim Your Identity
You primarily need to believe God is a good Father. When I finally let this truth marinate my heart, my healing climbed to a new height. It’s ok if it takes time. You most likely have believed lies or religious misconceptions about God for some time. Get to know Him for who He truly is.
Learn what it means to be God’s child and hold on to His promises. The Bible is full of them. Then you can walk and talk out of your sonship. Your identity will root you in who you are.
Continue to work on that mindset. Especially on those days when the enemy will throw your past in your face, or tell you you are damaged and beyond restoration. You don’t have a room to rent in your head for him any longer. He is permanently evicted.
You don’t have a room to rent in your head for him any longer. He is permanently evicted.
Stay connected to a church, accountability group and support network that fosters and encourages your growth.
Your father-daughter relationship with God is the most beautiful part of living in ceremony with Him.
If you would like to learn more about Healing with the Father, click here to get a copy of my free ebook 5 Ways You Can Invite Jesus Into Your Healing After Domestic Violence.
Partnering with God to Rebuild Your Life
A renewed mindset and reclaimed identity are the foundations for rebuilding your life. A healthy mind and identity influence the choices and roads you take, like a navigation system.
If your GPS system is broken you could find yourself on a familiar bumpy road, with previous coping mechanisms, fears of rejection and abandonment or the fear of entering into another abusive relationship (I was terrified of this!). I’m sure you don’t want to go through that again.
Remember Romans 12:2? To recap, it speaks of a transformed mind, focusing on Godly values and ethics, as the precursor of knowing and walking in the purpose God has for you. In other words, your GPS system has been rewired and tuned into God’s frequency.
In my own walk, I realized I had to get myself out of the trauma cycle and insanity and do things differently. This meant learning my worth, establishing self-confidence, learning and implementing boundaries, understanding what a healthy woman, man and marriage looked like, and intentionally STOP PEOPLE PLEASING.
I had to learn how to live a life reliant on God’s love and not in fear. I pleased others and had poor boundaries because I was afraid of rejection and abandonment. This is not in line with how God wants his daughters to live! 2 Timothy 1:7 AMP says, “
“For God did not give us a spirit of timidity or cowardice or fear, but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of sound judgment and personal discipline [abilities that result in a calm, well-balanced mind and self-control].”
I am still learning how to live in full reliance on God’s love and provision for me. I thank God I am not where I used to be and have grown a lot.

Think of rebuilding your life as a daily dance with the Father. You two-step this way and that way, with Him in the lead. You are vitally united as you willingly participate in this ceremonial dance.
Be Patient with Yourself
Recovery is hard and the process can feel more painful than the abuse at times. This is because you are uprooting your weeds, relearning new behaviours and mindset, and deconstructing. You are feeling vulnerable and uncomfortable.
Try to find some joy in the process. I remember when I was in the rebuilding phase (do we ever leave?). I became a certified TESOL educator, moved to a different country, bought new clothes, made new friends, traveled and truly SMILED. I can recall the first time I caught myself smiling authentically from my heart. I rejoiced that I had the freedom to do so, that I had numerous reasons to smile, yet I grieved the years where smiling was not my norm.
Healing is possible and you will get there.
Continue to dance with the Father on a daily basis. Dwell, abide and unite with Him on this journey.
It’s worth it.
Share this article with other survivors, family and friends to help us raise awareness of domestic violence and educate the church (links at the top of page).
We are stronger together.
He is faithful,

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